you can't lose what you never had
by Wolf Of The darkened Skies
Summary: cloud just wants to fade, but will Leon let him? crappy summery i know D: rated m because of death
1. Chapter 1

Summery – Cloud just wants to fade away, but will Leon let him?

Disclaimer – I don't own kingdom hearts or breaking Benjamin.

Comments – I still have no idea for chapter 5 of dance with the devil I might give it up. The same with what I've done. Onto this chapter, one shot or multi chapter I dunno but it's a song fic with the one song that won't leave me alone. Clouds' POV!

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Breaking Benjamin – breathe

Maybe it's better to just fade...

_I see nothing in your eyes, and the more I see the less I like.__Is it over yet, in my head?__I know nothing of your kind, and I won't reveal your evil mind.__Is it over yet? I can't win._

I guess fading wasn't all that bad. I mean, sephiroth has succeeded in doing just that, I've faded away before and so has Aerith. You get to recover what you had lost; you get to lose what you never wanted. So why did people actually fear death? It's the inevitable; you can't run away from it and nobody's every invincible no matter how many times people say it. So why?

_So sacrifice yourself, and let me have what's left.__I know that I can find the fire in your eyes.__I'm going all the way, get away, please._

I watched Leon walk over, as calm and as collective as ever. I gave him a small nod and looked away. I knew that if I stared into those hypnotizing blue and grey eyes I will never look away. I could feel him frown at my actions and started to walk away. You can never lose what is not given to you, that's why I'm doing this.

_You take the breath right out of me.__You left a hole where my heart should be.__You got to fight just to make it through,__'cause I will be the death of you._

Have I ever had a heart? Can I ever love again? I had died and I guess I lost everything along the lines but why should I carry on living? Nobody cared about me. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to look, Leon. What did he want? He smiled at me and turned me around. "I guess you've been thinking?" hmm, Leon always knew when I was thinking. Maybe he knew what I was thinking about. I stared into those storm like eyes and instantly knew I couldn't turn away. Soon his lips descended upon mine. You can't lose what you never had, but you can lose everything that you once held.

_This will be all over soon.__Pour salt into the open wound.__Is it over yet? Let me in._

It was sunset; Leon had stayed near me that entire time. I felt safe near him, like he could protect me from the darkness that is trying to engulf me. He turned to me but I didn't turn to him. "We better get going." He mumbled, maybe we should but I couldn't. "You go on ahead." I muttered quietly, the wind carrying my voice towards him. He nodded and turned away, walking back towards the castle. When I was sure he was gone I jumped off the cliff towards the darkest part. No matter how safe Leon made me feel, I knew that he couldn't save me from the one thing my body desired.

_So sacrifice yourself, and let me have what's left.__I know that I can find the fire in your eyes.__I'm going all the way, get away, please._

I sighed noticing no heartless was near. I looked around but I soon heard a low grunt, glad I had let my guard down. Maybe it was time I left. I could feel the nobodies blade pierce me and I held back the pain of agony. "You can't have what is not given, you can lose everything though."

_You take the breath right out of me.__You left a hole where my heart should be.__You got to fight just to make it through,__'cause I will be the death of you._

The damn nobody had summoned up what I had been thinking; I hate it when people do that! I turned around and swung the buster blade at the disguised nobody. He landed on the ground gracefully and I knew he was smirking as I collapsed to my knees. I heard a voice over head. Leon?

_I'm waiting, I'm praying, realize, start hating._

I watched through the blurry vision as the man dressed in brown leather, Leon definitely Leon, attack the nobody. It soon left and Leon raced over to me. he held me in his arms and could just make out the small tears sliding down his cheeks. I can't have what I am not given, but I can have the things that want me most.

_You take the breath right out of me.__You left a hole where my heart should be.__You got to fight just to make it through,__'cause I will be the death of you._

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That's it for this chapter, if you don't like the ending and want a sequel ask, I might be nice enough to give you one. Anyway you know the drill: READ & REVIEW!!!!

_Wolf Of The Darkened Skies_


	2. Chapter 2

Okay I shall say this now the song I am listening to has NO lyrics so I didn't put any lyrics in this chapter. Anyway, the song I am listening to is kingdom hearts - Always on my mind. I like it, and it fits with my mood. Anyway, one more week until the summer holidays! But I have to cope one week without my Leon. T.T anyhoo I suggest you listen to the song because I sort of based it off that and another song. Very sad chapter but maybe some happiness, I'll try and update my other fics. I AM SORRY IF THERE IS ANY ERRORS!!! Onwards to the story!!! 

LEONS POV!!!!!!

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I have never felt so empty in my life. Watching the blond close his eyes and fall into an eternal slumber made me want to cry my heart out, made me want wish him to come back. My eyes swelled up with tears and my heart burned with grief and pure sadness. Why was I all of a sudden feeling like this?

I lifted the limp blond into my arms and carried him off towards the castle. I seriously hoped Aerith could save him, I seriously hoped that somehow someone knew how to bring him back. I knew there wasn't much hope, so why? Why was I suddenly hoping?

I reached the castle gates and gazed at the cold Cloud in my arms. Aerith, Tifa and Yuffie rushed over and stared at him. I heaved a sigh when Aerith ran a glowing hand over his lifeless body, checking for a heartbeat. I watched the tears slide down her cheeks and Tifa and Yuffie beginning to shake with silent tears. Aerith walked with me until we reached his room in the castle. I quietly laid him down and observed his calm quiet face. Why had I fallen in love with him?

Aerith walked out and I followed afterwards, shutting the door quietly on the motionless Cloud. I gazed at Aerith as she stared back. "He shouldn't have died." She whispered. I turned away and sighed sadly. "I shouldn't of left him." I said softly. She looked up and shook her head. "No, it wasn't you. Cloud was just being careless. Just like when Radiant Garden fell into darkness and him along with it." I turned my back to her. "But this time he isn't coming back." I said as I walked away. Why was my sorrow on my mind?

I glared at the spot where Cloud and that nobody had fallen. The blood from where Cloud collapsed was staining the ground. I tore my eyes away and looked out to the sunset. The soft oranges and pinks merging together as the sun shone the last of its light on that day. Why did it remind me of Cloud?

I stayed at the exact same spot until the dark night finally crept up on me. The full moon glowed and the small stars sparkled. Memories of when me and Cloud were children began to appear. The night exactly like this, we were both sitting together trying to decipher and figure out if we could see any patterns in the stars. I could feel my eyes burn with fresh tears, the memory of me promising to protect my younger friend scorched into my mind. I buried my head in my folded arms and wept. Why didn't I keep that promise?

The morning sun roused me from my sleep and as I opened my eyes I notice I was still near the cursed area. I must have dosed off while the memories played themselves again and again in my mind. I wiped the sleep away and some of the remaining tears before standing up. I watched two small birds fly past. A young brown coloured bird and a golden bird. _Like you and me, Cloud._ I thought as the birds circled and spun in the air, just like they were dancing. I pushed away my guilt, my sadness, and my grief before setting back to the castle. Why did our dance finish suddenly Cloud?

Upon my return, Aerith started scolded me for not returning last night. But I wasn't listening; everyone looked as if they had been shedding tears. Cid and Vincent (A/N: yes Vincent is in this) had also been grieving, small tear stains flowed down their cheeks. I turned away, Yuffie, Tifa, Aerith Cid and Vincent had known Cloud longer than me. It didn't surprise me if they were upset. "Is it alright if I see Cloud?" I asked quietly, I received a small nod and headed towards the blonds room. Why are you making feel this way Cloud?

I stepped into the room and looked at the small bed in the corner. Noticing Cloud was not there. I frowned and walked in, the room was pleasantly warm unlike when I had left. I turned my head from side to side in hoping that aerith hadn't gotten rid of the blond. I caught a glimpse of black fabric, then pale skin, then soft fair spikes on the balcony. I walked over and knelt down next to the body. Cloud was leaning against the balcony's door frame. My mind whizzed through many answers to my one main question. Why has Cloud been moved?

I ran my hand through the soft pointed spikes that was one of clouds trademark and let my hand rest on his cheek. I frowned deeply as my hand began to trace delicate pictures on the blonds' soft skin. Why was he so warm?

My frowned deepen when I saw the blond shake, hope suddenly filled my heart. "Cloud?" I asked, some of my hope leaving me when he didn't respond. I sat in front of him and shook his shoulders gently, "Cloud?" I received a soft moan and a small amount of movement, my eyes lit up as I called for Aerith. I heard rushing up the stairs and everyone bursts in. They stare at me confused. I motion them to sit next to and they do so. How are you alive?

I turn back to Cloud and shook him gently, "Cloud? Cloud wake up." I said in the same tone of voice I had said it before. I received another moan and a shiver. Everyone perked up and watched as I tried to wake Cloud up. The blonds eyes opened slowly and he stared at all of us. "Am I dead?" who had rescued my Cloud?

I shook my head and placed my hand on his cheek. "If you are Cloud, then we would be dead as well. Which I highly doubt." I murmured in answer to his question. He smiled at me and I brought him into a deep hug. What had made Cloud alive?

Everyone was crying, I knew it. But it wasn't tears of sadness but of joy. The warmth that flowed from Clouds skin was a sign that yes, somebody had brought my Cloud back and yes, someone had heard my wishes. This memory will stay, even though it is one I would rather forget. But, could this mean that someone was giving us a second chance?

I breathed in the deep smell of Cloud as we both sat and watched the townsfolk busy themselves. A few days had passed since Clouds death and everything had gotten back to normal, almost. Everyone had discovered my feelings for Cloud and his for me. We had all grown to this and I guess everyone really thought we suited. I brought Cloud closer to me and I heard him sigh. "You never told me how you came back." I mumbled as I rubbed my cheek into his hair. "Zack, he said it wasn't my time." He said in a hushed tone. I smiled and gently turned Clouds head to see his eyes. The crystal blue eyes held affection love and happiness. I kissed him tenderly on the lips. I drew back and rested my forehead against his. "I will keep my promise I made to you when we were younger." He tilted his head and leaned forward, kissing me in return. "And I'll do that same for you."

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Aww, happy ending :D it's all good! That's the end of this story. Okay I am going to finish up my others now. If not delete them. Hope you liked this fan fiction READ AND REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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